


Douchebag

by jercydee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Never Met, Arguing, Bad Flirting, Bickering, Fic Exchange, Flirting, M/M, Meet-Angry, not meet-cute these idiots are dumb and petty as hell lmfao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:55:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24080926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jercydee/pseuds/jercydee
Summary: Morisuke takes pride in the fact that no one seems to know about such an ideal spot. Kai thinks he’s being overdramatic about it, but Kai also thinks the campuslibraryis a good place to study.He is more than happy to keep this hidden gem a secret.That is, untilHandsome Douchebagcomes along.A never met + university AU where Yaku and Kuroo are petty and weird as hell for fighting over a public table. Also Kai is a tired barista.For the HQ!! Sin Central Spring Exchange~!
Relationships: Kai Nobuyuki & Yaku Morisuke, Kuroo Tetsurou/Yaku Morisuke
Comments: 20
Kudos: 147





	Douchebag

**Author's Note:**

  * For [corbeod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/corbeod/gifts).



> Shout out to Pat-friend for the reassurance that this isn't completely ooc and for idea throwing! I'm sorry that I didn't include more of your suggestions bc they were fuckin hilarious lol. Also, all of my love and praise to [Jess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor/pseuds/Karasuno%20Volleygays) for having the braincell I lacked when I wrote this. Thank you for the speedy beta, excellent advice, and more reassurance that this isn't ooc lmao<3<3
> 
> Any other mistakes are my own. This was 60% written with a migraine and the realization that I've never written Yaku in my life so please be kind /);w;(\
> 
> Despite being a few days late, I still hope you enjoy this Corn~!

Morisuke has the best spot in the cafe, he thinks. The table is away from high traffic areas, tucked away on the farther end of the cafe where Morisuke likes to work in peace until Kai finishes his shift. With two seats, he can leave his backpack on the empty chair instead of the floor. The table is also off in a corner and next to a window where it catches the afternoon light, though not so much that it casts a glare on his laptop.

Morisuke takes pride in the fact that no one seems to know about such an ideal spot. Kai thinks he’s being overdramatic about it, but Kai also thinks the campus _library_ is a good place to study.

(It’s not. It’s always too crowded, with too many loud university students mostly gossiping across tables. Also, the library doesn’t allow food inside, which obviously makes the cafe infinitely better.)

He is more than happy to keep this hidden gem a secret.

That is, until _Handsome Douchebag_ comes along.

* * *

It’s a rainy day when Morisuke takes a seat in what is definitely _not_ his corner of the cafe. He has half a mind to make his way over to the man sitting at his table when he catches Kai waving at him from the register. Deciding instead to ask his friend what is going on before he makes a fool of himself, Morisuke ends up at a table near his regular spot.

One of the other baristas takes his order while Kai finishes at the counter, so Morisuke continues to glower at the guy sitting in his corner. With his back turned towards him, Morisuke can’t make out what he looks like, which annoys him for some reason. By the time Kai joins him, he’s glaring into the wooden grain of the table, dubbing the guy in his seat _Douchebag_.

“Kai,” Morisuke says in a low voice, “who is that?”

Kai raises an eyebrow at him. “Who is who?”

Morisuke throws a glance over at Douchebag, cocking his head in the same direction. “Who is sitting in my seat?”

“ _Your_ seat?” Kai teases.

“Yes, my seat!” Morisuke jabs a thumb over to his corner table where Douchebag has been sitting for the past ten minutes. “I don’t sit anywhere else in this cafe!”

Kai slides Morisuke’s coffee order onto the table as he shoots a flat look at him, mug scraping the surface. He’s taking a sip when Kai says, “He’s new, only been coming over for the past few days. Quiet guy, simple order, tips well.”

“Well, he’s in my spot,” Morisuke grumbles into his mug. Despite the coffee being well blended, fresh and warm on his lips, he’s still pouting.

Kai shakes his head with a fond smile. “I’ll bring your sandwich over in a moment, Yaku-san.”

Several minutes later, Morisuke is still glaring at Douchebag from what is decidedly _not_ his seat. He takes a sip from his coffee, hoping to bore a hole into the back of Douchebag’s head.

“What are you going to do if he catches you looking at him?” Kai asks suddenly. Startled out of his thoughts, Morisuke looks up to see his friend passing a judging look at him as he places a plate onto the table.

“Give him a piece of my mind,” he snaps.

Kai narrows his eyes. “No, you are not. You are also unreasonably angry over a table that doesn’t actually belong to you.”

Morisuke looks up to give Kai a flat look. “Kai. Literally no one else in the history of this shop—”

“Not true.”

“—has sat in that seat except for me.” Morisuke returns his glare back to a head of messy black hair. “Until _That Douchebag_ came along.”

Kai sighs, walking back to the counter. With a pout, Morisuke looks down onto the table where the sandwich he ordered sits atop the plate. Though it looks delicious, Morisuke is still very unhappy about the whole situation.

He angrily picks up the sandwich to begin chewing on it aggressively, grumbling to himself.

* * *

It takes almost a week but Morisuke gets his spot back. On a rainy afternoon, by some miracle, his corner table is blessedly empty, and Morisuke all but runs over, dropping his things onto the table with a _thunk_.

Once he takes a seat ( _his_ seat), he slumps into it with a sigh like an old sofa, worn and loved, and not a wooden chair in the middle of a semi-busy cafe.

“You’re unreasonably happy,” Kai teases.

Morisuke simply grins at him, ordering his regular sandwich and coffee. Pulling out his laptop, he goes straight to work. A few minutes later, the bell of the front door rings open, and Morisuke looks up to see Douchebag greeting the baristas hello.

He watches as Douchebag surveys the shop before his gaze lands right on Morisuke.

Douchebag tosses him a smile, and Morisuke scowls, diving right back into his laptop screen and ignoring his racing heart.

* * *

Morisuke goes to war for his table, his frustration dipping and growing depending on the day.

Despite Douchebag throwing him that smile that first day, after a while Morisuke ignores him and resumes relishing his spot. That afternoon, Douchebag sits at the table Morisuke had occupied days earlier, and Morisuke quietly smirks to himself. Whether or not it bothers Douchebag, Morisuke doesn’t know, but nonetheless he leaves the cafe satisfied after Kai’s shift is over.

Another few days after that, Douchebag retakes that prime spot. Morisuke steps into the cafe with a scowl, only catching the briefest of glances from Douchebag, but it’s enough to make Morisuke’s blood boil.

The jerk _winks_ at him.

And so the battle begins.

* * *

The worst part of it all is that Morisuke soon learns that Douchebag is attractive. So much so that he’s been calling him _Handsome Douchebag_ to Kai whenever he needs to vent his anger.

Handsome Douchebag is, well, handsome. Tall and lanky, with artfully tousled black hair.

He always dresses casually, wearing flannels or hoodies with ripped jeans. Plain as his clothes are though, it pisses Morisuke off that Handsome Douchebag can still make anything he wears look fashionable and trendy because he’s just _that_ good-looking.

He also has a face that Morisuke would love to punch the smirk off of.

(Morisuke finds out Handsome Douchebag is tall the same day he discovers that punchable smirk. Handsome Douchebag heads for the washroom, and he tosses a smug smile towards Morisuke when he passes by.

“He didn’t smirk,” Kai says, “and it’s not illegal to smile at strangers, Yaku.”

“It’s a smirk and I hate it.”

“I think you’re being irrationally angry because you’re attracted to him.”

“Shut up.”)

One time, Morisuke catches Handsome Douchebag staring at him, and it’s then Morisuke learns that his eyes are a piercing hazel.

He looks away immediately, hoping to hide the furious blush creeping up his cheeks by drinking his coffee.

* * *

Over the next few months, it becomes an unspoken game between him and Handsome Douchebag. Whoever gets to the corner table first quietly smiles at the unfortunate loser who walks into the cafe later. The loser always sits at the same place, three tables away, slipping into their seat and giving that day’s victor a nod in respect.

Kai tells Morisuke it’s a silly contest they’ve gotten themselves into, especially since neither Morisuke nor Corner Stranger have said a single word to each other.

(Kai is too nice to call him Douchebag, which Morisuke accepts because Kai is seriously the nicest guy he’s ever met.)

Morisuke doesn’t really care about what Kai’s says though, because he maybe-secretly-kind-of enjoys this little game with Handsome Douchebag.

But he keeps that to himself.

At some point, Morisuke starts to look forward to it. Rationalizing to himself that he just comes by when Kai has a shift, he starts to make his way to the cafe more than usual. He sometimes hopes Handsome Douchebag is some ways behind him so Morisuke gets to enjoy walking into the cafe with the satisfaction of Handsome Douchebag being somewhere outside unable to stop him.

On the days he loses though, when he sees Handsome Douchebag already settled in, table covered with whatever he brings that day, Morisuke concedes and accepts his fate at the Other Table. They exchange silent smiles and nods of acknowledgement as Morisuke pulls out his laptop and gets to work.

(Handsome Douchebag never brings a laptop. He always has a book bag filled with, predictably, books. Notebooks and textbooks from what Morisuke can see, always piled across the table with pens strewn around. One time, he catches a glimpse of his university’s school crest on a textbook’s spine, and Morisuke tries not to pump his fist in the air. Who cares if Handsome Douchebag also goes to his school, anyway?)

As their little game goes on, sometimes the winner’s coffee is paid for by the loser. They never officially agree to do it—Kai just comes by with their usual saying the customer a few tables away has already paid for it.

They exchange another smile from across their respective tables and go back to working.

* * *

Running late one afternoon, Morisuke leaves his class jogging as he tries to weave through throngs of his classmates. By now Morisuke knows that Handsome Douchebag only comes over when Kai has a shift, which means that he only comes over when Morisuke is around, and Morisuke is _not_ about to show up late if he can help it.

Kai’s shift started an hour ago; if Morisuke books it, he may still have a chance at winning. Shrugging his backpack higher onto his shoulders, he takes off running, speeding down the sideways and trying to dodge other pedestrians.

He hops impatiently when he hits the stop light a block away from the cafe, counting down the seconds as he waits for the signal to go.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he spots a familiar head of spiky hair across the street.

He and Handsome Douchebag lock eyes for a second, then Morisuke hears the _ding!_ of the crossing signal.

Morisuke sprints down the block, occasionally looking across the street to see Handsome Douchebag also racing towards the cafe. He barely registers the protests from other people he pushes past, focused only on reaching the cafe doors as fast he possibly can. His laptop is slapping against him in his backpack, but he can hardly care right now.

His eyes grow wider as he gets closer and closer to the cafe entrance. He reaches an arm out, fingers grasping at air before finally, _finally_ reaching the door.

He quickly notices the other hand also on the door handle. Looking up, he sees Handsome Douchebag next to him, staring him down. They both open the door, fighting like children to get through the door frame.

“ _Welcome!_ ” the baristas greet as always, but Morisuke pays them no mind, hip-checking Handsome Douchebag and pushing forward.

“No fair!” Handsome Douchebag calls out with a stumble, and Morisuke lets out a peal of laughter.

Jogging towards the table, he jerks backwards when someone grabs his backpack.

“ _Oi!_ ” he growls, grabbing Handsome Douchebag’s jacket when he tries to pull forward.

They awkwardly fight their way towards the corner, and Morisuke once again reaches his hand forward to touch the table.

Two palms smack on the surface.

“ _I’m first!_ ” they both shout.

Morisuke opens his mouth to begin arguing that he _definitely_ got there first when Kai’s voice suddenly cuts in.

“If both of you don’t quiet down, I’ll have to kick you out,” Kai says, looking at them apologetically.

“Ah,” Handsome Douchebag says with a small bow, and Morisuke catches the sheepish look on his face, “s’rry.”

Morisuke also bows his head in apology. “Sorry.”

Kai shakes his head with a small smile. “I’ll leave you both to sort this out. Just keep it down, please.”

He and Handsome Douchebag both nod their heads, and Kai turns on his heel to greet another customer entering the cafe.

“I totally got here first,” Handsome Douchebag says.

“ _Hah?!_ ” Morisuke looks up at him indignantly.

And the argument begins.

* * *

Nobuyuki loves his friends, he really does.

Sometimes he wishes they weren’t so dumb though.

Even though he and Yaku are in different majors, they both ended up in the same university after graduating high school together. Most of the time they spend together is during Nobuyuki’s shifts at the cafe.

At first, he’s totally fine with it. It’s nice seeing Yaku all the time even if they don’t share any classes anymore. Though he doesn’t have to, Yaku still tips him whenever Nobuyuki’s his barista.

Then Kuroo comes into the picture.

Kuroo is in his Chem and Bio classes. After sitting together one lecture, they easily strike up a conversation and become friends. When Nobuyuki mentions that he works at the campus cafe, Kuroo takes up his offer and pays a visit. For a little while, Kuroo sits in different places around the cafe, apparently testing out various tables before he finds one he likes.

When he does, it just so happens to be the corner Yaku always occupies.

Knowing Yaku for years, Nobuyuki knows how weirdly particular his friend can be. After the first time Yaku settles at that corner table, Nobuyuki is certain he’ll never want to sit anywhere else.

Until Kuroo takes it over, that is.

Neither of them ask him to introduce them to each other—they don’t even ask if Kai knows the other at all. As the weeks continue, Nobuyuki decides it’s for the best he doesn’t get in the middle of whatever game they have going on, so he keeps the knowledge of their budding mutual crushes to himself.

In the months as their weird attempts at flirting continues, Kuroo asks if Yaku is only around while Kai has a shift, and when he answers the affirmative, Kuroo’s visits steadily increase. Yaku notices quickly.

He hopes they just ask each other out already so he doesn’t have to referee their weird courtship dance anymore.

His wish is granted at last when the two cause a ruckus by racing into the cafe that afternoon.

Greeting a customer goodbye, Nobuyuki wonders if his friends have sorted out their argument. He looks from the register to see the two still bickering in the corner, though now they’ve both taken a seat. At some point Yaku bursts out, “Why did you write your name on the table?!” and Nobuyuki decides he’s not going to ask.

When Manager tells him that they haven’t made their orders yet, Nobuyuki decides to just order for them. It’s not like either of them ever get anything different.

Eventually, he slips Yaku’s coffee and sandwich onto the table alongside Kuroo’s latte. Neither of them notice him, still in the middle of an argument, though Nobuyuki catches Kuroo saying, “So _what_ if I like sweet curry better?” As he quietly leaves, Nobuyuki assumes they’ve moved on from fighting about their race earlier.

Later, after his shift ends, when he and Yaku leave the cafe together, Yaku mentions that he has Kuroo’s number, and that Kuroo has his.

And Nobuyuki leaves relieved that his friends are finally getting their act together.

**Author's Note:**

> Misc. notes
>
>> Kuroo called Yaku "Cute Demon" whenever he was gossiping with Kai. He thought Yaku was cute the first time he saw him, but then Yaku started glaring daggers at him and that was kinda terrifying.  
> Kai also called Yaku "Corner Stranger" when he was talking to Kuroo.  
> Kai didn't introduce Kuroo and Yaku to each other because he really thought they'd have a better first meeting than arguing over a table. When Kuroo and Yaku find out about this they are both frustrated that Kai didn't say anything but also super embarrassed bc he's right lol.  
> 
> 
>   
> Thank you for reading! Kudos give me life and comments will be handed a cookie<3
> 
> [Main Blog](http://striveattemptfail.tumblr.com) / [Twitter](https://twitter.com/jercydee)


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